he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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