I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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