I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
