oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
