i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
