HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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