So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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