Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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