Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
