I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize