I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
