I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
