I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
