end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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