I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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