it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
