I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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