I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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