No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
