she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
