Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
