I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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