I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
