My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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