Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
