Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
