At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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