just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
