I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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