Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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