Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
