just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
