If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
