Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
