i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
