my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
