You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
