i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
