First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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