Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
