hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
