I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
