Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
