i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
