420 ftw
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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