Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
