i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
