Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
