if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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