Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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