first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
