I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
