is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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