She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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