North Korea, Best Korea!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
where are you?
Hypothermia
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
