I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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