Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
