i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
