Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize