She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
