Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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