I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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