hell yes lets make some ravioli
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
