I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
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Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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