Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
