mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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