Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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