the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
